The Facts of Lost
by Kiana Maria
Summary: Mrs. Garrett, Blair, Jo, Natalie, and Tootie are returning from their trip to Australia, when the plane crashes. They find themselves on an island along with Jack, Sawyer, Hurley, Charlie, and Claire. Supposed to be funny.


The plane flew through the sky. Mrs. Garrett balanced three books on her knees. "No time like the present to teach myself Hungarian," she said.

Blair lay back in her seat. She raised her eyemask, looked around the plane, and sneered at the other passengers. "I can't believe I'm flying _business_ class."

"Lighten up, princess," said Jo, reading a copy of _Motorbike Magazine. _

"Yeah," said Natalie. "The food's better back here."

Just then, the plane began to shake. The FASTEN SEATBELTS sign flashed on.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Tootie. "We are in trou-bulllll!"

_**Later that day...**_

The plane had crashed onto a beach. "Where are we?" Natalie asked.

"Is anyone hurt?" asked Mrs. Garrett.

"More importantly, where's my luggage?" asked Blair.

"Your five hundred suitcases are probably what weighed down the plane," said Jo.

Tootie tied on her roller skates. "I'm going exploring," she said.

Just then, they heard a shout. "Help! Someone help me!"

Mrs. Garrett turned and saw a pregnant woman collapse into the sand. She rushed to her side.

"How far apart are your contractions?"

"I...I don't know...The last one happened a couple of minutes ago."

"Just sit down and breathe, you'll be all right." She looked around. "Is there a doctor on the beach?"

A dark-haired man ran to her side. "I'm a doctor," he said. "I can help."

"Not until I sew up that gash in your back," Mrs. Garrett told him. She pulled her sewing kit from her pocket.

"Do you know what you're doing?" the doctor asked, dropping to his knees.

"Of course," she said. "I _am_ a registered nurse."

Tootie roller skated through the sand to Natalie's side. "Mrs. Garrett's helping that doctor," she said.

"_He's_ a doctor?" said Natalie. She laughed. "He can take my temperature anytime!"

Jo propped open the hood of the cockpit. "Here's the problem," she said. "It's the fan belt."

"Can you fix it?" asked Blair.

"Do angels have wings?"

"Well, hurry up," Blair told her. "I have to get back home. I have a date tonight."

"Who with, John Travolta?"

Blair rolled her eyes.

_**Later that day...**_

Mrs. Garrett stood over the fire, roasting a boar. A big guy in a plaid shirt stood at her side. "Do you know how to cook that?" he asked.

"Of course," she said. "I _did_ graduate from Cordon Bleu in gay Paree."

Tootie roller skated through the sand to Natalie's side. "Mrs. Garrett's over there with that fat guy," she said.

"Cute fat guy," Natalie laughed. "He can eat me anytime!"

Tootie looked down at the ground. Something shiny glistened in the sun. She reached down and pulled a pair of handcuffs out of the sand. Her eyes grew wide as she turned the metal cuffs over in her hands. "We are in trou-bullll!"

She skated back across the sand. "Mrs. Garrett, Mrs. Garrett! There's a criminal on the island!"

Someone grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop. "Slow down, Speed Racer," he said. "What's the matter?"

"I found these," she said, holding out the handcuffs.

"Those are mine," he said, taking them. "They're a part of my magic act."

"You see, Tootie?" asked Mrs. Garrett. "You see what happens when you gossip and you don't know all the facts?"

"Yes, Ma'am," said Tootie. She looked down into the sand. Smiling again, she asked the man, "Can you teach me any tricks?"

"The kind of tricks I know aren't for you, Pollyanna," he said. "I'm a con man."

Tootie gasped and skated away. "Natalie, Natalie!" she shouted, crashing into her friend. "That guy over there's a con man!"

"_He's_ a con man?" Natalie laughed. "He can fuck me over anytime!"

_**Later that day...**_

Tootie roller skated through the woods. She grabbed a tree branch to stop herself when she saw a blond guy in a striped shirt and jeans. He was kneeling onto the ground and hiding something in one hand.

"Stay away," he said when he saw her. "You don't want to be around me. I'm a herion addict."

Tootie gasped and skated back to the beach. Jo was welding the plane back together. "Natalie!" Tootie shouted. "That guy in the woods is a heroin addict!"

"Cute heroin addict!" Natalie laughed. "He can sniff me anytime!"

"All done," said Jo, taking off her welder's mask.

"It's about time," said Blair.

"But the pilot's dead," said Tootie. "Who's going to fly the plane?"

"Don't worry, everyone," said Mrs. Garrett, climbing into the cock pit. "I _do_ have a pilot's license."

Everyone found their luggage and boarded the plane. Mrs. Garrett started the motor, and flew into the sky.

_**The End**_


End file.
